Yummy! Yummy! In my tummy!

Saturday we had our new scholar orientation for our 2015 McNair cohort.  During the orientation we like to play a fun little game...two truths and a lie.  For the past two years I've stumped the scholars.  Last year one of my truths was "I don't like food."  This year, my lie was "I love food!"  Boy is that a lie!  I don't like food...not really at all.  I love my Little Debbie Frosted Fudge Sticks, my custard filled long johns, my cereal, and a bunch of other stuff that isn't that good for you...nothing you can call food.  So when I find something I actually like that is actually "real" food, I am thrilled!

This week, Michigan has been giving us a taste of the winter weather that is sure to come.  With the colder temperatures, I've been in the mood for warm food.  Since I don't enjoy eating, I really don't enjoy cooking.  I enjoy baking, but not cooking!!  I would say that goes with the territory since I like sweets, not food.  Haha!

Monday I made some killer White Bean Chili with Chicken.  It was delicious!!  My husband still can't get over how delicious it was.  (If you want the recipe, let me know.)  Today's Crockpot Salsa Chicken Burritos were a big hit, too. I've tried some similar recipes off of Pinterest, but they were never a hit with my family.  We liked the concept, but there was something wrong with each recipe so it's not a keeper.  Last night I decided to try my own thing. 

 Here is how I made my Crockpot Salsa Chicken Burritos.

                        

Ingredients

3 chicken breasts (about 3 lbs)

1 cup dry black beans

1 can corn (rinsed and drained)

1 jar salsa (about 38 oz)

flour burrito shells

shredded cheese (optional)

sour cream (optional)

Directions
Soak dry beans in water over night.  (Directions say to soak for 8-10 hours, but I only soaked them about 7 hours, still leaving them somewhat dry.  They will soak up the juices while cooking giving them extra flavor and helping with the consistency.) Rinse beans before using.

In the bottom of the crockpot, spread about 1/3 of the salsa.  Lay the chicken breasts on the salsa and top with 1/3 of the salsa.  Top with beans, corn and remaining salsa.

Cook on high for approximately 8 hours.  The chicken should shred when you stir it.  If so, it is ready to be served and enjoyed!

    

Note: My mixture was not runny or soupy at all.  I attribute that to using dry black beans instead of canned.  The previous recipes I tried all called for canned beans and the mixture was very soupy.  If you have to use canned beans and it does come out soupy, you can throw some instant rice in and let it cook a bit longer.

Self Doubt

Why is it that some of us are filled with self doubt, yet others are confident in their abilities?  Self doubt isn't healthy so how do we overcome it?  What can we do to help others overcome it?

Rewind to December 2012.  I had just hired in with CMU's McNair Scholars Program.  Our McNair motto is Eat, Sleep, Move...McNair.  The eat and sleep part I could handle, but the move part was something I needed to work on.  I had started doing yoga...something outside of my comfort zone, but a step in the right direction.  We were going to be doing a 5k together in July so I needed to step it up a notch if I was going to try to run it.

I signed up for a membership at the SAC (CMU's Student Activity Center.)  The problem with the SAC (or maybe it is just my problem) is the treadmills face a glass wall.  I swear everyone that comes in to the building is watching me.  Plus it is set up so that the treadmills are in front of all the bikes and ellipticals.  Everyone behind me is watching.  I swear!  I feel like I am on display.  Not to mention the girls on the treadmills next to me are maybe 20 and a size 2.  It is very intimidating for a 41 year old mother of two with 20 extra pounds, muffin top and jiggly everything.

I eventually met with a personal trainer, but I felt like an idiot because I couldn't get the hang of the elliptical and I had no core.  The trainer thing didn't last because he was pushing me to break outside my comfort zone.  Heck, who am I kidding!  Everything in the gym was outside of my comfort zone.  I decided to stick with walking.  I've been walking for over 40 years so I figured the chance of me making a fool of myself was slim.  Walking was easy.  Walking was safe.

I worked my way up to walking on the treadmill 35 minutes on the highest incline at 4.1 mph three days a week.  People kept telling me if I was doing that on the treadmill, I could definitely run.  I didn't agree.  I knew myself better than they did and there was no way I could run.  But why was I doubting myself?  Why wouldn't I even try?  Why was I letting my fear of failure influence me more than the encouragement and support I was receiving?  Why wouldn't I take a chance?

I remember the moment I decided to take a chance like it was yesterday.  Fast forward to March 2013.  I was finishing my normal walking routine on the treadmill when I looked around and realized there were only four of us in the entire gym.  It was spring break so the SAC was empty.  Three of the four were over forty and everyone was doing their own thing.  No one was watching me.  I decided to break out of my comfort zone so I took the incline down to 0 and bumped the speed up to 4.6.  I told myself to shoot for a minute.  Then I changed my mind and said 60 seconds.  Yes, 60 seconds is the same amount of time as a minute, but 60 is more than 1.  It was a mind game I had to play with myself.  I made it 60 seconds and I didn't feel like I was going to die so I decided to keep going.  I ended up running 4 whole minutes!  That was 240 seconds!!!  I was so proud of myself!  I had never ever ran, let alone for 4 minutes.

It was invigorating.  It was empowering.  I felt like I was on top of the world.  For once I pushed myself to do something outside of my comfort zone and didn't let my fear hold me back.  It was huge for me!  It felt great to do something I never thought I would do, because I had never pushed myself to try.  For once I took the plunge and didn't let caution lead the way.

So here we are August 2014 and I am reminded how hard it is to push beyond your comfort zone and not let self doubt make choices for you.  I have been running with one of our scholars for about three months and the farthest we have ran is 1.25 miles without stopping.  I had really hoped we would run a 5k together, but it didn't seem like we were going to make it.  I believed with all my heart that she had more in her, but I don't think she believed.  How could I help her believe in herself, break out of her comfort zone, and push through her own self doubt?  Was it my place to push her?  

I decided I wouldn't push, but gently nudge. We set out for our run with the goal of 1.5 miles.  I fibbed to her by telling her I disabled the audio cues on my running app so I wouldn't know how far we were in our run.  I tricked her by changing up our route.  When the app told me we hit our mark of 1.5 miles I knew she could do more so I suggested another half loop.  She didn't want to, but she kept going.  We hit that end mark and the app whispered in my ear that we were at 1.75 miles.  I urged her to keep going.  I asked if she trusted me.  It makes me laugh now, because she said no.  I don't know if that was really her talking or the exhaustion, but either way she took a chance and kept going.  When we hit that 2 mile mark I was so proud of her!!  She took a chance with me.  She trusted me.  She broke out of her comfort zone for me.  She did it!  She ran 2 miles!! 

Going forward, I hope that run helped her shed some of her self doubt and to believe in herself.  I know it was a great reminder for me of how important it is to keep going forward...to keep setting and reaching new goals.  She inspired me to push myself farther than I ever had before and break my 3.1 mile record...to reach for 4 miles instead.  This morning I conquered 4 miles.  Now I'm going to reach for 6.1...to run a 10k.  Because she took a chance with me, I am reminded I need to take a chance on myself.

Being Present

The following is a piece I wrote for mcnairscholarsrock.com published October 18, 2013.

It’s been almost a whole year that I’ve been with McNair.  Over the course of that year there have been many conversations with Lynn or the scholars about being present in the moment…being mindful of what is happening now, not focusing on what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow.  In doing that, I have found a new respect for the beauty that surrounds us and wanting to share that beauty with others.

I have always appreciated the beauty of nature and have a hidden passion for taking pictures.  I’m not the photographer that can stage people and capture something stunning, but I love maneuvering on the ground to get in just the right position to catch the sun through the branches of trees.  If you were to look through my pictures on Facebook, you will see that I am constantly taking pictures of the things around me.  I am constantly trying to capture that elusive shot to showcase the beauty of things as I see it through my eyes.

There are many times throughout the day that I wish I had my camera with me so I could stop to capture a shot.  I catch a glimpse of something that I perceive as beautiful or picturesque.  On my way to work each day I pass two houses with newborn foals.  Just down the road there is a tree that stands tall and forlorn in a field of beans.  I may see a doe and her fawn in the field or be witness to the sun rising in the morning.  It could be some architectural detail on a building on campus or just some random thing that catches my eye.

I have realized that capturing that one great shot fills me with a rush of excitement, happiness and optimism.  Hold on a second, let me rephrase that.  The action of taking pictures, just trying to capture a great shot, fills me with excitement, happiness and optimism.  I feel tuned in and content with my place in the universe.  It is almost like a drug. Isn’t that how life should be?

Shouldn’t life be like a drug? I want to be high on life!

I want to be present in the moment more often.  I know it’s not practical to expect every moment of the day to bring you joy or be filled with beauty, but I think maybe if we slow down and start taking notice of some of the little moments we may find those little pieces are enough to sustain us when maybe there isn’t joy or beauty.

I think we may find ourselves becoming more optimistic because we will realize that every day is filled with lots of great moments.  Maybe it’s just a smile from a random stranger, hitting green lights when you’re running late, someone holding a door open for you, a great cup of coffee, a compliment from a friend, a decent grade on a quiz you thought you did lousy on or just a simple “like” on a Facebook status.

So even though what I perceive as beautiful may not be the next person’s idea of beauty, I’m going to keep on viewing life as if I have my camera pressed up to my face.  I’m going to keep on trying to capture that elusive photo for others to enjoy because that means I’m taking time to be present in the moment and being high on life.

Life's a Challenge

There are a lot of things in life that are hard.  They change as you change or as your life changes.  What may be hard one day may seem like small stuff later in life.  Maybe you are waiting to hear if you’ve been accepted into the McNair Scholars Program, maybe you are trying to run your first mile, your car is on the fritz, a friend is giving you grief, or you are feeling overwhelmed by all the responsibilities you have at this moment.  There will be countless things in our lifetime that will challenge us.  And that’s a good thing!  But, when you are the one struggling to overcome that challenge, it is hard to reconcile the fact that these challenges help you grow, make you stronger, and help you face the next challenge.  

Many of our scholars have been waiting for responses from grad schools where they have applied.  The fate of their future rests in someone else’s hands.  The decisions that others are making in regards to their future is monumental.  AHHHHH!!!  How stressful!  Which grad schools are going to present them with an offer?  Which offer will they accept?  What if they don’t receive any offers?  Where are they going to be moving?  How much of a stipend will they be getting?  Will they be able to afford their living expenses without taking on a part-time job?  What if the offer they receive doesn’t align with the path they had mapped out for their future?  The wait and not knowing is torture!!

Right now, I can totally empathize with those scholars waiting for their grad school offers.  We are in the process of buying a new home and moving.  In my ideal world, everything would have happened in a week.  In this ideal world of mine, I can sell my house, find a new one, get all the loan documentation taken care of, close on both homes, pack, move and be settled into the new home all within a week.  Yep, you read that correctly!  All of that would have taken place within a week.  But of course that isn’t the way it really happens…this is the real world.  

I know that I need to be patient and things will work themselves out as they should.  I realize that everything happens for a reason.  In my head, I tell myself the same things that I say to the scholars in hopes to reassure and calm their nerves while they wait for their offers to come.  These same words apply to my own situation.  But when the shoe is on the other foot, it is hard to let it go and let life happen.  It is hard to reconcile the fact that these challenges help me grow, make me stronger, and help me face the next challenge.  Life is hard, but that’s a good thing.  Because it means I’m living!